So Big and So Small

Well, tonight was the night. Joseph got picked up by a carful of guys from the youth group for the seventh grader welcome night. All of a sudden, my boy who has been looking so big looked so small. I wanted to give him a hug and tell him how handsome he was. I wanted to tell him how I love seeing what God is doing in him. I wanted to tell him the joy he is. But it was time to let him go. In a small way. But training for increasingly bigger ways.

He already knows I think he's handsome.
He already gets hugs from me every day.
He already knows how much I love seeing the ways God is growing him.
He already knows the joy he brings.
Because I tell him.

So I smiled.
And waved.
And felt the bittersweet ache of time slipping by.
And felt so spoiled that he has a solid youth group to grow into.
And told God I wasn't sure what to do with the ache.

Now I get to sit with his lonely little brother and read books. We cooked dinner together and thanked each other for dinner. And it's time to make sure that when it's Elijah's turn to head out for a seventh grade welcome night, he knows all the same things I've spent years making sure Joseph knows. Because when it's Elijah's turn, it will just be me at home that night. Learning how to let go. Letting the One who loves the most keep both of them in His sure and never-failing care.

It will be fun to hear the stories from my big, small seventh grader when he gets home.
And I'm loving all this couch time with my somewhat smaller, big second grader.