Getting a Little UGLY

We got something new.
Something big.
Something we've been needing since we moved here.
And neither of us really wanted it at all.

A roof.

Yeah, out of all the things I've dreamed of, a roof wasn't in there. I've drooled over flooring with all its threads (as opposed to threadbare) and cabinets and counters and furniture and cars that start and washing machines that work well and refrigerators that aren't incontinent and kitchen tables made in the last 875 years and and and....but a roof? Nope.

The good news is we no longer have one of the oldest, worst roofs our claims inspector has seen. (His words, not mine.)
And I didn't have to sell a kidney to pay the deductible. (Just almost.)
And we can stop sweeping up huge piles of roof granules from our driveway every time it rains.

Come by and see it.
It's....ummmmm....brownish and sort of bumpy and roof-like.
You'll be so jealous.

I was ridiculously, over-the-top, embarrassingly, sinfully mad about the roof thing yesterday. I was disgusted with pouring money into things like roofs and car repairs and boilers. I was discontent with the physical space where God has placed me. I was worried about what paying the deductible will do to an already embattled budget. I could only think of "everyone else" who has better stuff. (You've met "everyone else", right? I find most people have at one time or another.) I was gloves-off sick of trying to do life in a town where we don't fit economically. And I was ready to bail on my kids right now and head off to look for work so I could have STUFF. I was ready to walk away from this place of privilege I have gotten to be where things I have dreamed are part of my daily life (as opposed to roofs). Yup. I was UGLY. Last night, I let it go. It's over. I can't live in the UGLY like that when I am so precious in the sight of the Father in heaven. What a fool I was to throw away even one day with all that UGLY.

This morning, I got up and shrugged.
It's just a roof.
And it's not even my real home.
And this crazy little place I live right now with its endless brokenness just reminds me of the endless brokenness that Jesus took from me.
The wealth that is mine leaves me stunned.

Oh, and the morning was perfection.
Fresh. Cool. Lovely. New. No sign of UGLY.

P.S. It was kind of funny, in the middle of my UGLY, to be trying to do our first day of school with constant pounding above us and Elijah unable to focus for a millisecond, darting out the door all day long to check on the roof and chat it up with the roofers. Even on an UGLY day, it's hard to completely escape from a smile without trying even harder than I did.