If You Come to My House

This morning, I bawled through a particular song at church and then proceeded to continue leaking tears for some time after. I'm not sure what to write about it yet, or at all, other than I was so acutely aware of the anchor of my soul--Jesus. And, I cannot WAIT to fall on my knees before him. I simply don't know what else to write. I guess a lot of what was going on this morning was my moment with the One who walks with me.

So, I turned a 180, just chuckling about the eccentricities of my house. We've had a steady parade of people through this house for a long time now. Because so many end up sleeping here, they meet more of the oddities of my house than someone does in a visit for the afternoon. Here are some:

I don't really have a lot of readily available food. If I do, I've just been to the grocery store and the readily available food is supposed to last for the next 2.5 weeks. If you arrive halfway between paychecks and want munchable food, you will have to wait for me to peel and slice carrots, roast you some kale, or you can gnaw on uncooked rice noodles. If you don't mind heating up leftovers, you will probably have more success.

If you use my upstairs toilet, it will happily continue running for the next 3 days unless you stay in there and jiggle the little plastic thingie (technical term unavailable in my vocabulary) inside the tank. That is why the toilet lid is frequently on the floor next to the toilet instead of on it.

If you use my downstairs shower, that towel hanging on the shower door is for you stand on. Please don't use it as your bath towel. It is old, rough, and has possibly already been used as a floor mat. Also, please don't use one of the car-washing towels stored under the sink. I hope you wouldn't think that my bath towels are 20 years old, stained, ripped, and disgusting. Believe it or not, multiple guests have chosen those car-washing rags over the nice towels in the other cabinet above the toilet. Speaking of that cabinet above the toilet, if you get out of the shower and bend down to dry your feet, be cautious in standing back up. That cabinet is waiting in the path of your skull.

Our guest room is clean, secluded, and has a surprisingly comfortable bed. It is, however, located directly underneath the main pathway through our house and our floor squeaks and groans. This situation is intensified due to the fact that the majority of residents here walk like baby elephants, or casually leap on the couch and dive off with a horrible thud.

The smell of vinegar is positive. I didn't say appealing, I said positive. It means I cleaned.

The downstairs/guest bath exhaust fan sounds like a jet engine. It's OK. It's a healthy sign if you need to use the fan. No one likes to be jammed up digestively. We know the fan shakes the house. Please use it anyway. The only alternative is to allow the basement to slowly fill with unpleasant fumes, and no one wants that.

Please stop trying to find the door to the garage. You will find the one and only door if you step outside and look for the large, car-sized, garage door. That door you think leads into the garage is a closet. You will not find the garage or Narnia; only shoes, sleeping bags, and batteries.

I would really prefer you don't spend much time in the Pit of Despair....errr, the laundry room. It is just supremely ugly. Thank you.

Many people don't realize we have a back yard. I don't know why, but people are surprised on a regular basis to discover a back yard behind our house. We do have a back yard. Brian does a fabulous job with it.

Should you choose to avail yourself of internet service on your laptop or a television program, please make sure Brian is home to assist you with this process. If I am the only one home, you will remain technology-free.

If you sit in the living room chair, lean. You'll understand if you ever sit there. Sitting up straight won't work.

The carafe to our coffee maker leaks unashamedly, horribly, messily, and always. Please allow us to pour your coffee. We love to serve breakfast and we love even more to avoid large puddles of coffee on the floor.

Speaking of breakfast, please don't insist that we don't go to any trouble. As I said, we like making breakfast. You should eat breakfast, because lunch is the challenging one to put together and it may be very late. You may be very hungry and unable to find anything munchable.

If your pillows don't have pillowcases, it's because Brian and I had a mix-up and the pillowcases are clean and neatly folded in the closet. Please don't sleep on bare pillows. That's nice of you, but so gross for you.

So, that's about it for now. I hope this helps, should you ever find yourself staying overnight at my house. And if not, I hope it makes you grin at the oddities someone might find at your house.