My wedding vows have been playing in my head these last few days. Especially the sickness/health part. I suppose they do that for a lot of people that end up being a bit sickly--like me. They probably do too for the spouses who have to care for the sickly ones.
It's hard to know how to bless the man who is doing all the work to take care of me. Obviously, the way he is caring for me is totally fulfilling that vow. He's laying it down for me, for us. He's steadily there, just meeting needs and scraping me up off the floor when I've yet again dissolved in tears. He makes sure I'm taking my meds, puts me to bed early, drives me to every appointment or test, goes to the pharmacy or store over and over for whatever I need. He doesn't roll his eyes in impatience when I spend another day struggling with uncomfortable symptoms and pain and uncertainty. I can't reciprocate. That's hard. I don't like not being able to reciprocate. I like to earn my keep, so to speak. Which brings me back to the theme of grace.....again. I can't earn grace, so that precisely what is going on. Grace.
How humbling real grace is. The fake kind, the "I can earn this or pay you back" kind is not so humbling. Not at all. It's a nice, self-sufficient feeling. This real grace thing? Not so much.
So, for the ONE who laid it down for me--me without a deserving bone in my body--thank you. For the husband who is laying it down for me because of the ONE he follows--I can't pay you back--but thank you. I've got nothing to offer either of you but this totally overwhelming awareness of the goodness I've been given.
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