A Quiet Morning

This morning is quiet is every way (except the roaring of my overly loud dishwasher). Brian and the boys are at church. My pain and dizziness are at a low level. I am learning to take even a 5-minute stretch of feeling good as a blessing for the day. I find myself whispering, "Thank you, Jesus." (I also find myself whispering, "Help me, Jesus," during the not-so-good stretches.)

On this very quiet morning, I got to read my Bible and soak up some more. No huge scholarship over here. I'm not looking up Greek words these days or writing papers that no one ever sees, but are filed in a notebook in my basement. (Yup, I write papers sometimes. It takes me a long time.) I'm just grabbing for some life-giving words.

My current "home Bible" is 5 years old. It was a gift from Brian for my birthday sometime after baby Elijah consumed--I mean physically consumed--the last part of Deuteronomy in my previous Bible. This was fairly tragic for me because I happen to love the last part of Deuteronomy, especially the last chapter, and felt rather incomplete without it. (I'm not being sarcastic. I cry over Moses' death almost every time. Joseph even welled up in tears with me when we read it awhile back.) I love how the pages in my Bible are soft from use. I love seeing the notes and underlines and questions I've written in. I love finding something new. I love that I have to open it carefully because the binding is broken in a couple of places. I love seeing the pages where my tears have fallen and left the paper permanently wrinkled. I love that when a drink spills on the table, I will dive to save my Bible rather than anything else on the table. (Yes, I know the Bible bookstore has plenty more.) I love that when I read Ezekiel last year, I made notes in it for the first time. (Ezekiel is on my list of all-time scariest, weirdest books of the Bible. I have read it multiple times and kind of fear it in general. Leviticus used to be on the scary/weird list, but it is now just weird and I love it.) I love that God let us have this book.

My two "church Bibles" are favorites as well. They are smaller and I use them for teaching or just whenever I carry a Bible outside of the house. They were both given to me by Brian as well. (This man KNOWS how to give me a gift I'll love.) They are also showing signs of wear, but the bindings are still intact. I find that to be a minor miracle since I tend to fold my Bibles backwards and walk around while I'm teaching.

Anyway, I saw my Bible on the table this morning and reached for it and felt a wave of security wash over me, just knowing what I was reaching for.

I grinned just remembering the day of the heart attack. Not much to grin about, but I remember being doubled over trying to get out the door (yes, we KNOW we should have called 911), and stopping to grab for one of my church Bibles. It went with me everywhere they would let me take things in the hospital. (General rule of thumb--if they won't let you wear clothes, they typically won't let you bring a Bible....Please be sensitive to people being wheeled down the hall at the hospital under a blanket. They might be lying there in quiet mortification, trying to make themselves pass out so they won't be awake to observe that someone just figured out there is nothing under there....) Anyway, once I was issued clothes (I use that term loosely), I could see my Bible there on my bedside table in the night and reach for it, just to read a verse or two. Just to remind myself that the word of God stands forever. As my life was changing, God and his word were staying the same. I read Psalms 46, 73, 90, 84, and 23 a lot. I also read in Job and Isaiah quite a bit.

I am really thinking about wanting more of this book in my head. I don't really know when the next time is that I will be taken somewhere where I can't bring my Bible.

PS I don't really fault the hospital for not wanting their emergency patients in jeans, boots, undergarments, and a cute 3-layer cami/top/jacket ensemble. It would really slow them down if they had to try to get EKG's, multiple IV's, and all manner of wires and tubes through that. They keep a very regular, round-the-clock schedule of needing access to just about....everything.