....I was either wildly sick to my stomach or holding my new baby boy. I didn't handle my c-section anesthesia too well, or the pain medication for that matter, so I felt pretty awful. But....there was this baby boy. I couldn't believe my eyes. 9 years of waiting. 9. And, there he was.
I never sent him to the nursery. Everyone told me to. They told me to rest while I could. Maybe they were right. I don't know. I was pretty tired for the next....ummm, well, I'm still tired. All I know is I kept him there right with me. Today, I'm glad I did. Today on this day of his 11-year-old birthday, I didn't get the whole day with him just to soak in his life. He would probably think it was pretty odd if I held him and watched his face all day. He spent much of the day with friends and I was so glad he could. I'm glad I spent that first birthday with him. As he grows up and my role changes, the bittersweet of it all really grabs my heart, but I can't fail to miss the miracle of this life God has allowed in mine for 11 years.
I still don't know why God worked the way He did. I don't know why He allowed me this boy when people I love dearly still don't have biological children. I ask Him about it sometimes. I also ask Him why He chose me to rescue and redeem.
Looking ahead, it is hard to face that I will not always get to have Joseph with me every day. For now, I think I'll just allow gratitude for the 11 years to splash all over me and pray for grace and wisdom to continue to love and guide this boy.
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Happy Birthday Joseph!
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