The Scream

Brian found out a little over 20 years ago that if he walks up behind me and I don't know he's there, I scream. It's not a sweet little gaspy scream or a breathless "oh my, you startled me", it is a full-on blood-curdling scream. I have curdled this man's blood so many times over the years. Most of the time if I'm vacuuming or running bath water for Elijah or starting the washer and he comes home in the middle of it, he just stays far, far away from me. Then, once the noise stops, he starts making noise in a distant corner of the house so I realize he is home.

Early in our marriage, I was vacuuming and he came home, came up behind me, and tried to hug me. I whirled around, screamed, and actually fell on the floor. (Side note: I know, I know. I would be amazing in a crisis. Don't worry about posting comments on my cool-headedness. I already know you wish you were like me.) I have repeated this performance entirely too many times over the years, but I do manage to remain standing most of the time now. He did learn that day not to try to make physical contact in that situation. I'm sure he probably sent my parents a thank-you note at some point for never sending me to martial arts lessons.....

Tonight, this poor veteran of "the scream" came home while I was running Elijah's bathwater. The timer for my granola was ringing when he walked in the door. He had to face a terrible choice. Let my granola burn or come in to tell me the timer was ringing. My granola is a delicate process of checking and stirring often and he knows better than to try to help with it. I'm sure he was weighing his options--face "the scream" or take the risk my granola would burn and I would accuse him of not telling me the timer was ringing. Poor guy. Trust me--since my heart attack, he is even less fond of startling me in any way. He chose to face "the scream" and true to form, I delivered. Poor guy. Poor, poor guy. He stays pretty calm, but I always see his face kind of twitch oddly and his eyes get really big even though he knows it's coming.

What a sweet guy. He saved my granola at great personal cost. He must really love me.