Burning a Hole in Me

I really want to get to my posts about stuff I've learned because I love learning from others and am excited about all the stuff I've learned from other people along the way. However, I've got something burning a hole in me--literally.

My daily aspirin regime is trying to burn a hole in my stomach. Many months ago, I had to cut down from full-strength aspirin to baby aspirin, but it's finally taking a toll as well. I have been living with increasing and constant stomach pain, as well as frequent bleeding just from scratching an itch. I frequently find what appear to be small claw marks on my legs or arms or torso where I have scratched an itch. I have unexplained bruises regularly. Either I'm living with a violent and brutally strong cat that attacks me in my sleep, or my days as a daily aspirin-taker are numbered.

Most would say that it's a no-brainer for me to stop taking aspirin; but one thing I've learned along the post-heart attack path is this: Everyone has an opinion on what I should be doing, but I don't meet many of them who have had a heart attack.

It really, really, really looks different on this side of a heart attack.

It really, really, really looks different when you find out your arteries are so small, they simply lack the necessary volume to deal with blockages and clots and stress and spasms and whatever else.

Do I think putting a pill of pure acid (aspirin) in my stomach every day is healthy? No, I don't. But I was sure hoping for the best. Before all this, I would have said, "Oh, I would NEVER do that. That's so bad for you." Then I spent a few days flat on my back in the hospital, and a few months getting strong enough again to walk at a normal speed. I still tire more easily, sleep more, and have other challenges. I have to carry nitroglycerin on my daily walks and I regularly brief my kids on how to call 911. I have had lots of time to ponder the genetic weaknesses of my heart.

In all likelihood, I need to make sure my blood is thin. Even a small blood clot could really do me in. Aspirin really helps with that. So did the blood thinner I was taking. The problem was that while I was on the blood thinner, I was covered in huge, ugly, deep bruises and I was getting spontaneous bleeds in my mouth. It was too much for me. Now, aspirin is coming down on me.

I had to stop taking it this week. I don't believe in lifetime use of stomach acid reducers to offset the aspirin, because without stomach acid to break down my food, my allergies will grow worse and worse as improperly digested food particles seep into my system.

This is not an easy place for me.

On my mind this week: All the days you have ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

My prayer this morning: May every twinge of pain, every breath that comes up short, every wave of fear, bring me ever closer and closer to complete satisfaction and delight and peace in your presence, LORD.