In With the New

I wrote a post yesterday about 2010 and then didn't post it. I am having a hard time working through my thoughts and feelings about 2010. 2010 brought a boatload of challenges and trials into my life. Overall, it is not a year I would care to repeat. (Thankfully, in God's mercy, He does not let us repeat years. This is an excellent time to shout, "Praise God. He never leaves us where we are!") I have to admit, facing this new year of 2011 brings quite a dose of trepidation. There is so much I am still processing. Things I am still working to fully forgive. Trials that have seemed pointless or too much to bear. Wounds that won't seem to heal. Pain over hurts that continues to surface. Mistakes I have made. Challenges that have gone on and on and on and on and on.... Health limitations. Parenting questions. I do not find it reassuring that our fish died this morning.

If it is possible for a year to kick you in the teeth, this one did. Of course, there was good. There is always good. As God's child, I always see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. There was just an overwhelming amount of struggle.

Starting 2010 was different. There was anticipation along with the trepidation. I am not feeling the anticipation today. I feel like I need to brace myself for whatever is next. Praying for joy--for the joy of the Lord to be my strength. Praying for gratitude to flood me.

I think it will be good for me to go to my cousin's wedding today on this day when I am struggling to embrace a new set of 12 months.

I am so grateful that I got to spend the transition from the old to the new with Brian and Joseph. Elijah was snoring, but for the first time ever, the three of us were together and awake. We played card games, laughed a lot, and even went outside without coats just to soak up some -6 temps. For all the years I've spent alone at that time while Brian was traveling, this was a good gift to start the year.