Hi, I'm Running a Little Late

Today, I was late everywhere I went. Everywhere. Over and over, I picked up my phone, dialed a number, and said, "Hi, I'm running a little late." Oh, did I just mention my phone? My SMART phone? My SMART phone that is outSMARTing me still? Yup. That phone.

That reminds me....

Today, I tried to check voice mail on my SMART phone and was completely confused to hear my voice mail reciting Brian's phone number into my ear. I figured it must be a call waiting feature of some kind, so I tried to switch over to the other call. (Let me just say, call waiting and I have never gotten along, even before my SMART phone.) I was unable to do this, so I immediately dialed Brian's number on my SMART phone, only to end up in his voice mail.

10 minutes went by. I could hear a voice mail notification as I drove, but I ignored it. My phone rang just as I arrived at Walmart. I successfully answered. (Don't laugh. Answering the phone is a lot more complicated on a SMART phone.) It wasn't Brian, but I was quite excited to hear from my sister. I figured I could do a rush trip through Walmart while talking to my sister on my SMART phone. (I know you love it when people do that.) I was wrong. I was trying to wrestle a cart out of the cart area, keep track of Elijah, keep my phone on my ear, and navigate past a display of flyers when call waiting beeped in my ear. I kind of started to feel stressed. I checked the phone. Brian. Just then, I crashed into the display of flyers and told my sister I would have to call her back. I tried to answer Brian's call. Missed it. Put the sale flyer display back together and thought I heard my SMART phone snickering sofly. Called Brian. Got his voice mail.

At this point in time, I was in a serious rush. I had been running late all day and still was, but I really needed something at Walmart. I texted Brian while maneuvering the cart. Not SMART. I did not crash again, but I sent him a text that went something like this: "No wrorriesb. Thoughjtt ou Caledonia. Sosy." I actually sent it without realizing it only contained one intelligible word. Dashed through Walmart narrowly escaping getting behind a lady who had 5 carts of school supplies and was announcing she had just purchased $1000 of school supplies. She let me in front of her. Whew.

Raced home. Found two voice mails on my SMART phone. Unable to access them. My SMART phone refused to acquire a wireless or cell signal and would not work at all. I was sure one voice mail was from the mom who was supposed to be dropping off Joseph. It was. I know this because she pulled up in my driveway awhile later and told me she had left me a voice mail.

In the end, I figured out that Brian had never called me in the first place. I am not sure anyone will ever believe that I heard my phone chanting Brian's number into my ear. Maybe it didn't. Maybe it did. Maybe my SMART phone is alive and is playing mind games with me. Hal? Is that you? I am outSMARTed. And....I was 5 minutes late for my 3:00 haircut.