7 Years Ago

About this time, 7 years ago, we arrived back in Colorado. We left behind an entire life--friends, house, jobs, our church family, our favorite grocery store, restaurants, memories, and our daughter's grave. We also left behind warm spring weather. My memory of arriving in Colorado is crystal clear. It was freezing cold. Freezing. Since we did not have a place to live when we arrived, we had made arrangements to store most of our possessions. Thinking spring had arrived, I carefully boxed and packed our winter clothes. Just in case we had some cool days, I allowed each of us a pair of long pants and a light jacket...just in case. It was snowing when we arrived. For the next month, we had fog, rain, snow, and downright cold temperatures. By June, it was warm enough for the long pants and light jackets I had brought, that we had been wearing and re-wearing for over a month. I always tell people that my feet have been cold since we moved here.

I wasn't sure I would ever settle in. It took a long time. Longer than I could have ever imagined. Longer than anyone around me could stand. The grief at moving was deep. My feet were cold. Financially, we fell apart. Emotionally, I was a wreck.

I can't say that things got rosy and easy after awhile. They haven't really. It's been a hard journey. In fact, if God had told me ahead of time some of what I would face here (and what some of my family and friends would face), I would have been paralyzed with anxiety and fright. He didn't tell me. That's called divine wisdom and tender mercy. There's a reason Jesus told us not to worry about tomorrow. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Way. Better.

Slowly, I have found friends. I no longer expect summer weather in the mountain spring. I've released my stranglehold on getting satisfaction from my career and paycheck. I have found breathtaking mountain sunsets painted just for me hovering right over my yard. I've taken back all the things I said about how I would never homeschool. We gave up television and discovered a new kind of quiet. God surprised us with Elijah. I've gotten to wear jeans or sweats or yoga pants most days for almost 7 straight years. I got to sit with Joseph when he prayed to tell Jesus he wanted to be His forever. I've gone almost completely gray. I've been in the hospital four times. I've found space and contentment in a house that is small by most people's standards. We've learned more about the manna kind of life and are more in awe every time we experience God attending to our needs with such specificity. I've learned how to text. I've read the Bible through multiple more times. I wouldn't choose to go back to who I was 7 years ago. This journey God laid out for me has so far been terrifying, heartbreaking, joyous, disappointing, crazy, confusing, and glorious. I'm not really up to the journey. Never have been. But....I don't walk it alone. Never will. By the way, my feet are cold. Right now.